Alex Shapiro
IELTS ExpertIELTS Writing Evaluation
some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think
Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Evaluated by WRTR ORG
This words can be replaced with:various
differentThis words can be replaced with:a number of
some“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
IfThis words can be replaced with:earthnaturestaruniversecreation
worldFor example
, a sculpture can turn into a rock into This words can be replaced with:a number of
someHence
, encouraging such artistic abilities in young minds is a This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
mustOtherwise
, our artistic culture will be forgotten
from our This words can be replaced with:earthnaturestaruniversecreation
worldThis words can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
manyalso
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createsconstructsmanufacturesproduces
makesThis words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
getThis words can be replaced with:a number of
Someare born
with the ability to create new art form. If the teachers or parents fails to encourage them, it will be the loss of a great opportunity and also
a great artist. This words can be replaced with:a number of
SomeHowever
, This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :in some instances
sometimesThis words can be replaced with:a number of
SomeThis words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demolishruin
destroyThis words can be replaced with:ought to
have toThis words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
onlyThis words can be replaced with:on the contrary
butalso
in public transports people are doing the same. However
, people The verb 'hating' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are not hatingThis words can be replaced with:merely
justPossible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.behavior
behaviourThis words can be replaced with:a number of
someThis words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
mustbe encouraged
and respected. “Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
BecauseThis words can be replaced with:earthnaturestaruniversecreation
worldPossible agreement error -- use past participle here: "taken".taken
tookTherefore
, in my opinion art This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
mustDid you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (short form of 'it is')?its
it'salso
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
mustThis words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demolishedruined
destroyed5.5
Total Band
5
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Lexical Resource
6.5
Grammatical Range
5.5
Task Achievement
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