IELTS expert

Alex Shapiro

IELTS Expert
IELTS Writing Evaluation

the use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.

The use of Electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do agree or disagree?
Evaluated by WRTR ORG
The use of Electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
Obviously
, computers, mobile phones and televisions are everything
Did you mean "to", "you" or "your"?toyouyour
yo
people.
However
, a coin has two sides.
This words can be replaced with:therefore
So
it is
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :nowadays
now
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reckonedassumedbelievedconsidered
thought
that individuals on private interaction are
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :impacted
affected
negatively
by electronic media. I completely
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquiesce
agree
that media comprises a wide range of unnecessary contents, losing relationships and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.time-consuming
time consuming


Firstly
, a large majority of electronic devices
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
people spoil. This is
mainly
This words can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :national authoritiespublic authorities
governments
don't restrict for users to
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :monitor
watch
such kind of
This words can be replaced with:incorect
wrong
things.
For example
, people,
especially
young children embrace
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).them, and
them and
they surf all the time.
As a result
, media surpasses books and newspapers.

Secondly
, these devices are crowing factors for disappearing relationships.
In addition
, they create virtual life to people,
namely
individuals-relations and friends
usually
chat and speak online
instead
of having assembled, they talk in face to face
enjoyably
at home or any restaurant. This provides to plummet real communication
Possible spelling mistake found.amongamount
amoung
people
Possible spelling mistake found.dramaticallygrammatically
drammatically
.

Furthermore
, children are not paid attention as much time as televisions and phones by their parents.
This words can be replaced with:therefore
So
they lack time for training with their children, owing to
be addicted
soap operas and unimportant things which on electronic media. In case, children face
This words can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
a lot of
difficulties, including they can't find role in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).lfe, and
lfe and
they are not able to split secrets and problems with them, then they
This words can be replaced with:ought to
have to
seek for measure out of family.

To conclude
,
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :national authoritiespublic authorities
governments
should throw all damaging contents of electronic devices and not permit to
be set
there. Provided that there are continuation of them, it ought to impose penalties in order to decrease mean actions.
6
Total Band
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range
6.5
Task Achievement

You may also like

living in your country where you have speak a foreign language can use serious social problems, requisting letter to a manufacturer to ask them to arrange governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public the chart below gives some of the most reported issues among people living in uk cities in 2008 some people think that products should be made to last as long as possible, while others think some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. the bar chart below shows the money spent per week on public transport by age group in malaysia ou ordered an equipment online. pie chart leisure activities in europe. since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace.