Alex Shapiro

IELTS Expert
IELTS Writing Evaluation

the use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.

The use of Electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. To what extent do agree or disagree?
The use of Electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
Obviously
, computers, mobile phones and televisions are everything
yo
people.
However
, a coin has two sides.
So
it is
now
thought
that individuals on private interaction are
affected
negatively
by electronic media. I completely
agree
that media comprises a wide range of unnecessary contents, losing relationships and
time consuming


Firstly
, a large majority of electronic devices
make
people spoil. This is
mainly
because
governments
don't restrict for users to
watch
such kind of
wrong
things.
For example
, people,
especially
young children embrace
them and
they surf all the time.
As a result
, media surpasses books and newspapers.

Secondly
, these devices are crowing factors for disappearing relationships.
In addition
, they create virtual life to people,
namely
individuals-relations and friends
usually
chat and speak online
instead
of having assembled, they talk in face to face
enjoyably
at home or any restaurant. This provides to plummet real communication
amoung
people
drammatically
.

Furthermore
, children are not paid attention as much time as televisions and phones by their parents.
So
they lack time for training with their children, owing to
be addicted
soap operas and unimportant things which on electronic media. In case, children face
a lot of
difficulties, including they can't find role in their
lfe and
they are not able to split secrets and problems with them, then they
have to
seek for measure out of family.

To conclude
,
governments
should throw all damaging contents of electronic devices and not permit to
be set
there. Provided that there are continuation of them, it ought to impose penalties in order to decrease mean actions.
6
Total Band
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Lexical Resource
6
Grammatical Range
6.5
Task Achievement

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